I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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