i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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