Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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