Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
