Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
