Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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