i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
