he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
