Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
