We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
