I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
