I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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