There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
