No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
