hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
