Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
