you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
