you guys were way drunker than both of me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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