Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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