i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
