That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
