Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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