Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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