Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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