no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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