Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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