She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
