It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
