He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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