Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
