Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
