too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
