There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
