You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
