worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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