Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
