so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
