i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
