Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
