Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
