I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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