yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
