im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's blow job season.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
