Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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