"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
MIDGETS
????
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
