Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
