Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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