I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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