why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just invented taco cereal.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
