shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
