i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
