I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
