My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
