you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
