And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
