saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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