Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
