I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
