My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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