I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
