Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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