its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
