butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
