he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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