Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
