your thong is hanging out like whoa
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
