So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
