She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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