Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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