Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
