my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
