PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
