Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
