Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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