i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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