Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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