Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I deserve this hangover.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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