it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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