Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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