My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
