Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
