yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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