Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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