Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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