Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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