That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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