we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
