Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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