I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
