I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
